So while I was on the way to work from getting my hair done this morning, I saw it on the side of the road....another sign, in a completely different part of town than the ones I saw last night. Actually it was three signs. They said "You are loved" "for ever" "and ever". They made me smile.
I had the wonderful opportunity to spend the morning with a beautiful sister in Christ and in Mary Kay. It was wonderful to be in her home and to feel the peace that we only get from being in God's presence. We had wonderful conversation and I look forward to seeing what roads this friendship will travel.
This evening, I have the amazing pleasure of being able to serve at the CNU Board of Visitors dinner. I know a few of the board members and am looking forward to seeing them and to just enjoying my time with them. Today has been a good day. I have been able to enjoy classical music all day. I was able to make the phone calls that I needed to make for CNU. And the best part was that I woke up this morning in my right mind.
Strange to say that huh? Well, something my friend Ashley posted the other day on her Facebook page made me think of it. She said this
"I get to run with my sister this morning. Yes I just said - I GET TO run! Not
everyone wakes up with that opportunity each day. Sometimes I feel so
fortunate to be able to run...or even walk. Remember to count your blessing,
no matter what they may be!"
It really makes me stop and realize that I am blessed beyond measure. I know that the Lord has done, is doing and will continue to do great things in and through me.
=>h
so yeah today, for the first time in a while I really am FREE.
So, I have been in a retrospective place lately in life. This is where I am right now...(yes, I know its long...)
Life is what you make it. We’ve all heard it before, but how long has it been since you actually lived it? As I was driving home from choir rehearsal tonight in somewhat of a questionable mood, I noticed a sign along the side of the road. It read “very much” and had two balloons, one red and one pink, tied to it. I was confused. About 300ft later there was another sign that said “you are amazing” with the same red and pink balloons. There were various signs for about a mile. The others said things like “you are kind” and “you are generous”. They caught my attention. White signs with black lettering and a red balloon and a pink balloon. Simple, but extremely profound. No, these signs were not in my neighborhood, put up by one of my neighbors. They were on the side of Warwick Blvd, one of the main thoroughfares in Newport News. So often we go through life with blinders on oblivious to the rest of the world because we are so caught up in our own chaos. Then every once in a while something hits us upside the head. These signs were my hit upside the head tonight. And a welcome hit at that. I have spent the past few months focused on me and my issues and challenges and decisions and choices. I have closed myself off from people that I love and care about and people that love and care about me. Its time for me to tune back into life around me. I know from previous experience that my life will continue with more balance and stability when I focus on the people around me and not on myself.
At what point in life did you decide that it was okay to let other people and society dictate to you your dreams? I am still fighting the battle to do the things I love without feeling like I am not going to be able to make ends meet. Without feeling like I am going to let people down. Without feeling like I will be selling out or even slacking off by pursuing the things that I love.
I love people. I love making people happy. It is both a blessing and a curse. I love making people see that they can believe in themselves and that they are better than other people have lead them to believe. I love turning things that may be viewed as trash into precious treasures. I love doing things with my hands. I love the look on a woman’s face when she really sees for the first time that she is a beautiful daughter of the King, not only on the inside but also on the outside. I love it when I can help a woman choose an outfit that she loves herself in, not because she can hide in it, but because it truly reflects the soul within her. I love dropping off random gifts at people’s homes and making unexpected drop in visits. I love keeping apartments and houses tidy and making them live larger than you ever thought possible. I love good movies…actually I just love movies, they do not necessarily have to be good. I love having time and the desire to prepare food for other people. I love to entertain, but I also love to spend time by myself. I love it when people RSVP. I love to get ‘snail mail’. I have an enormous amount of respect for my parents, and pray that one day I will be as good a parent to my children as they have been and continue to be to me. I love having the financial means to give not only monetarily to those in need, but even to give of something that I purchased for myself that someone else loves when they see it. I love providing the unexpected. I love surprising people. I love surprises. I love paper and fabric. I love sunshine. I also love rain. I love to sing in public bathrooms (the acoustics are usually great because of the tiled walls and floors). I love to walk around barefoot. I love to drive with the windows down, even if it makes my hair stand up all over the place. I love the word ‘free’. I also love the word ‘clearance’. I love thrift stores and yard sales. I love shopping with my mom. I love driving and walking around with my dad. I love books and reading. I love magazines that address one topic, i.e. fashion or home décor/design or news. I love the beach. I do not need to get in the water to enjoy my time there. I just need to be close to the water. I love the smell and taste of coffee anytime of the day and year round. I love homemade food. I enjoy riding but prefer not to drive unless I am on the highway and then I love to drive. I love finding amazing deals in places that most people never stop to take the time to look. I love *tasteful* graffiti. I love houses, even if they are not mine. I love summer days, but I love fall mornings and spring afternoons. I love clear winter night skies. I love seeing the clouds on the moon. I love sunglasses. I love high heels. I love smiling.
Thank you Jesus for all of the people/things I love.
I fail to let people know how much I value them in my life. I fail to show emotion as much as some people would like. I fail to confront situations head on. Instead I let them build until I cannot take it any more and I usually blow up. I am working on that. I fail to trust that people are capable, especially once they have let me down the first time. I fail to give people the shadow of the doubt. I fail to receive graciously, yet I expect others to. I fail to truly live up to my name recently. I love my name and the happiness that it brings others when they find out what it is. I fail to remember and celebrate birthdays of those in my life, not because I do not know or do not have it written on my calendar, but because I find myself so self absorbed that I usually remember the day after.
Thank you Jesus for all of the things at which I fail.
I just about lost it. My computer blue screened. I hadn’t saved anything. Thank God that the computer saved most of it.
Jesus, I am a mess. I am tired of giving up and backing down because somewhere along the line, someone told me or I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough at x or wasn’t capable enough to follow y through. Lord, Psalm 3 says that you sustain me and you do, but Lord, I am tired of being sustained. I want to thrive! At what point in life do I get to soar? I feel like my wings are clipped and like I get my feet off of the ground every once in a while, but then I get pulled back down and held down. Jesus, I want to do great things for You. I want to use the gifts and talents and abilities that you have given me to bring You glory. Lord, I want to be the person helping other people to clue in to the reality that life is not about them, instead of being the person that always needs other people to clue me in. Jesus, I want ‘he tangata’ to ring true in everything that I do, because it is true. Life is not about me. It is about being Christ to the people that come in contact with me. I do not want to be cynical and judgmental. I want to be honest and truthful but I want to be graceful and kind in my delivery. Lord, I know that you made each of us different and I know that I do not fit the mold that I probably think I should fit. Lord, thank you for making me different. Please help me to see how to use my differences effectively to be a light. Lord, mold and shape me to be the best me that I can be. I don’t want to be anyone else. Once more, for my own benefit, I DON’T WANT TO BE ANYONE ELSE. I am HAPPY MATTEA DARCUS. The one and only and you created me for a specific purpose. Lord, continue to open my eyes. Reveal to me your purpose for my life and my role in the lives of the people around me. Jesus, correct me where I need correcting. Give me boldness and push me in the direction(s) that I need to be pushed. Help me to go to bed earlier, so that I can get up earlier and to get sound sleep at night so that I may face each day revived and ready to meet whatever comes at me head on. Lord, I pray for clarity and focus. That I would be attentive to the task at hand and complete it in a timely and efficient manner. Lord, that your will would be done in my life even if my will gets in the way. That you would give me a hunger for you so much. That you would help me to be loving in my conversations and interactions with the people that I love and that you would open up doors and windows and cracks and crevices to make those relationships better. Thank you Jesus for surrounding me with people who love You and who love me. Thank you for your new mercies every single morning. God you are awesome. And you are faithful. Soli Deo Gloria.
