My spirit is tender...

So...Hi!  Right now, I am actively procrastinating.  I am supposed to be spending the evening doing laundry and working on my grad school application for Regent University's Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership.  However, in the two hours since I've been home, I have only filled out my transcript request forms for CNU and UR, again.  (The first time I requested transcripts, I decided not to read the directions from Regent...oops.) 

I don't know why I have so much trouble applying myself sometimes.  Probably because I have a subconscious block.  Oh well, it will get done. 

Since I'm on here I will give you a brief (yeah right, nothing that I write is brief :) ) update...

I am still working in the Department of Alumni Relations and University Events at CNU.  Commencement is fast approaching and so we are working on those upcoming events, as well as planning for CNU's 50th Anniversary that we will begin celebrating in the fall.  There is lots to do and lots of excitement on campus.  There are buildings that are being completed, and talk of the next project to break ground on. 

This time of year always makes me wonder, as the world blooms and awakens, what is God growing and awakening in me and in those around me.  I am a little sad this year.  I have friends that are growing up and will be moving on and some that will be staying around, just in a different capacity.  My sadness is not because of the transition, but because I am acutely aware of the passing of time.  This June is my 10yr high school reunion (that I am supposed to be planning.... :/ ) and I have been at or around CNU for 9 of those 10yrs.  I'm not so young anymore.  In fact, it continuously amazes me sometimes when I realize over and over again that one of our interns is 10years younger than me.  When I was a freshman in college, she was in third grade. 

Now, I know that I am not that old and I'm not saying that I am, I 'm just saying that I am aware of the years passing like I never have been before. 

On a different note, I am 32 days into a 100day journey with God.  This 100day journey concept came about when I was at home over winter break (yes, I get a winter break...one of the perks of working at a state university), when I found out about one of my parents friends who had done 100 Days of Inspiration.  The thought intrigued me.  And then in January, I was talking to one of my friends and he was praying about giving up alcohol for 100days.  So, the 100day concept came up again.  I thought it was a cool idea, but just kind of shrugged it off.  I did not think that I would be able to commit to anything like that.  

Over the next few weeks, the thought of 100days kept coming up in my mind.  In January I was asked to help with worship for a youth retreat at our church in February.  I said yes, thinking that I would just be singing and showing up for practice and the retreat, like I had done before.  However, God has a sense of humor.  As time passed and the retreat drew closer, I became aware of the reality that I was responsible for not only assembling the people to lead worship, but also with coming up with the set lists.  That's right lists...as in 5 different sets over 2 days.  Now, had I known an established worship group that would not have been a problem, but I just had random people who I knew loved Jesus and loved worship and had various talents--vocal and instrumental.  Needless to say, God made his presence known leading up to the Retreat.  He placed songs in my path and on my heart and he orchestrated for one of my friends to play guitar with us on Friday night.  And get this, it was only her second time playing in public.  God is good.  He was with us through that entire process and he broke me in that process.  I am very used to singing in front of people.  And doing it without preparation.  God knew that I needed to dig in.  He knew that I needed to be in a place of leadership with doing worship for the retreat because that was the only way that He was going to get my attention.  Arranging a group, choosing music, scheduling and holding practice, and then leading it all on stage....all things that are completely out of my comfort zone.  Way outside of my comfort zone, but the reality is that my God is bigger than my comfort zone.  He knew that I would run to him in the process of that preparation.  He knew that I knew that I was incapable of doing it on my own.  And he spoke to me and ministered to me in the process. 

During that weekend God revealed his plan for my 100day journey...focus: on who God is, while journeying through the Psalms and using the creativity and love for hands on to create daily.  My 100days began on Monday, February 21 (exactly one week after I turned 28) and will end on Tuesday, May 31 (the last day of my contract at CNU for the 2010-2011 school year----not a coincidence).  He has continually revealed himself to me throughout these past thirty two days.  He is showing me piece by piece, sometimes moment by moment, who it is that he has created me to be.  I am learning and growing and he is shaping me into the woman that he wants me to be and it is so sweet.  He has been so merciful and gracious in my life and I am thankful beyond words. 

Some days, I find myself in tears for no obvious reason at all, then that He is speaking to my heart and tears are my physical response.  This morning our admin assistant (Kim) came in (we share an office) and I was sniffling.  She asked if I was crying or if my nose was running.  I honestly answered that it was a little bit of both.  You see, this morning I was not feeling so well when I woke up.  I did not go workout before work like I usually would, I just took my time and went into work.  Right before Kim got there, I check my facebook and saw that I had a message from a friend who is traveling in South America.  His message was simple, it just said that he had thought of me this morning, he asked how I was and shared that He is great. And that the freedom that he is experiencing is phenomenal!  Now, let me say this, this friend is the one who mentioned to me that he was going to be giving up alcohol for 100days and he is one of the ones who helped to plant the seed for this 100day journey in my head.  God works full circle even when we don't see it. 

I am daily amazed at how mighty, awesome, gentle and loving my God is.  He is present all day, every day.  And he loves me despite my mess. 

I am thoroughly enjoying this journey and I look forward to what God has for me as I press on.  I welcome questions, comments, prayer requests and prayer for me.  I would love to make time to get together to find out what God is doing in your life.  He is moving.  Open your eyes and look for Him.

Soli Deo Gloria.


FREE.
 (in an ocean of happy tears)

=>h