Friends! Has it really been almost a year?! There is so much to tell. But all in due time.
Right now, I just want to enjoy the new. Today is 2 February 2015. It is still a relatively new year. It is a new month. It is the beginning of a new work week. It is only 9:37am, so it could be considered to be the beginning of a new day.
Beginnings are so sweet.
They start us off with no expectations. I believe we get hampered down by expectations. Those we set for ourselves and those we take on from others.
Friends today is our day to be free.
Yes, we need expectations and we need goals, but not at the cost of losing who we are amidst them. If there is one thing that I know, about who I am, beyond a shadow of a doubt in this moment, it is that I am a daughter of the King, deeply loved and given new mercies daily.
New mercies. Not the same ones from yesterday, but new ones. And they are given specifically for me. And with those new mercies comes a fresh beginning.
So friends as you attach the beginning of another year, month, week, day take heart. Be encouraged. Set your sights on things above. And remember that despite all of the craziness in life "Still, the sun rises."
From my devotions last week:
"The faithful mercies of God -- they come up every morning. Whether I am bleary-eyed or bright. When the sun is hidden behind winter, overcast clouds, still this mercy, this morning is new."
#shereadstruth Hymns II day 3 Thy Mercy My God
Be encouraged. Be free.
02 February 2015
14 February 2014
31: To be Well Aged
Last month Blogspot sent me an email to let me know that this is my blog's 3rd anniversary. Well this is my first post in over 2 years and a lot has changed.
I met and fell in love with a wonderful man who I married in October. We adopted a kitten last April and his name is Kenobi. We have embarked upon the journey that is marriage and are experiencing what it means to do the work and to taste the goodness that comes from doing the work. We are enjoying our time together and are looking forward to what adventures may come.
As I take this moment to reflect and to think about what I want for the next twelve months I realize it can be summed up in a few easy phrases.
Pray always. Be me. Write more. Sweat frequently. Love well. Create regularly. Practice hospitality.
To go a little in depth:
Pray always: I want to be cognizant that God is present in every situation and circumstance and that He delights in my desire to communicate regularly with Him. So, continual prayer and daily study of the Word.
Be me: Somewhere in the shuffle of the past year and a half or so, Happy got lost. I am tired of being lost in my own life. So, here's to finding myself, my fashion choices, my happiness, and living it daily.
Write more: I used to write. Everyday. Poetry. Journals. Random things. Time to bring that back.
Sweat frequently: A little odd, yes, but its who I used to be. I enjoyed the way that my body felt after a good work out. I enjoyed feeling strong. I needed the stress release that daily exercise gave me. So whether I join a gym, take some yoga or dance classes, or just start running again, something has go to give this year.
Love well: This one is loaded. Love, my husband, well by respecting him and showing him off to the world, by being supportive of his decisions and helping meet his needs. Love, my family, well by being present and "in" family time. Love, my friends, well by remembering special days and investing in our relationships with my time, my talents, and my money. Love, strangers, well by being the best me that I can be and being positive and upbeat in my interactions with them.
Create regularly: I get joy in creating beauty. I am energized when my creative juices are flowing and when I am in an arena where they are fostered. Opportunities exist for me to do it, I plan to keep my eyes open.
Practice hospitality: I enjoy entertaining at home. Before we were married, my husband and I decided that we wanted our home to be a place where people gather. We want it to be a safe place. A place of peace. We want to invite people in regularly and so that is what we have done and what I would like to do more of in the coming year.
So all in all in the next year, I hope that I not only age well, but I would like to be a little more well aged. A little more seasoned. A little more refined. A little more me.
So, Happy Birthday, Happy. May your 31st year, bring you so much fullness of joy that your cup is truly over running.
Soli Deo Gloria.
I met and fell in love with a wonderful man who I married in October. We adopted a kitten last April and his name is Kenobi. We have embarked upon the journey that is marriage and are experiencing what it means to do the work and to taste the goodness that comes from doing the work. We are enjoying our time together and are looking forward to what adventures may come.
As I take this moment to reflect and to think about what I want for the next twelve months I realize it can be summed up in a few easy phrases.
Pray always. Be me. Write more. Sweat frequently. Love well. Create regularly. Practice hospitality.
To go a little in depth:
Pray always: I want to be cognizant that God is present in every situation and circumstance and that He delights in my desire to communicate regularly with Him. So, continual prayer and daily study of the Word.
Be me: Somewhere in the shuffle of the past year and a half or so, Happy got lost. I am tired of being lost in my own life. So, here's to finding myself, my fashion choices, my happiness, and living it daily.
Write more: I used to write. Everyday. Poetry. Journals. Random things. Time to bring that back.
Sweat frequently: A little odd, yes, but its who I used to be. I enjoyed the way that my body felt after a good work out. I enjoyed feeling strong. I needed the stress release that daily exercise gave me. So whether I join a gym, take some yoga or dance classes, or just start running again, something has go to give this year.
Love well: This one is loaded. Love, my husband, well by respecting him and showing him off to the world, by being supportive of his decisions and helping meet his needs. Love, my family, well by being present and "in" family time. Love, my friends, well by remembering special days and investing in our relationships with my time, my talents, and my money. Love, strangers, well by being the best me that I can be and being positive and upbeat in my interactions with them.
Create regularly: I get joy in creating beauty. I am energized when my creative juices are flowing and when I am in an arena where they are fostered. Opportunities exist for me to do it, I plan to keep my eyes open.
Practice hospitality: I enjoy entertaining at home. Before we were married, my husband and I decided that we wanted our home to be a place where people gather. We want it to be a safe place. A place of peace. We want to invite people in regularly and so that is what we have done and what I would like to do more of in the coming year.
So all in all in the next year, I hope that I not only age well, but I would like to be a little more well aged. A little more seasoned. A little more refined. A little more me.
So, Happy Birthday, Happy. May your 31st year, bring you so much fullness of joy that your cup is truly over running.
Soli Deo Gloria.
04 October 2011
A sunny, blue sky sort-of-day...
Tuesday's come extra early for me. I meet two friends, Lori and
Tatem at Panera at 6am. We have been doing this for almost a year (and
have only missed a handful of meetings...okay maybe 2 handfuls...;)) It
is always an adventure to see what God has for me at 6am. I have come
to enjoy and value the quiet that is present before the rest of the
world wakes up. It really is interesting to watch the city and the
university 'wake up'. Not to mention that sunrises this time of year
are lovely.
Today I am remembering to find the good in the little things in life that cross our paths. I am opening my eyes and looking around to see the little things that we overlook in everyday life that are pivotal to our existence and enjoyment. The little things like: parking lot lines, eyes to see, music that transports us, creativity of the human race, hot coffee after lunch in a cold office, sunshine, computers and Internet, office mates, headphones that block out distractions, desktop lamps, scarves and jackets, the briskness of a fall morning, a smile on the face of a passerby, hearing the voice of someone you love and who you know loves you.
There are just some things that make this life so much more enjoyable. Those are a few of the things that I'm looking for in my day. What about you?
FREE.
blue skies.
=>h
Today I am remembering to find the good in the little things in life that cross our paths. I am opening my eyes and looking around to see the little things that we overlook in everyday life that are pivotal to our existence and enjoyment. The little things like: parking lot lines, eyes to see, music that transports us, creativity of the human race, hot coffee after lunch in a cold office, sunshine, computers and Internet, office mates, headphones that block out distractions, desktop lamps, scarves and jackets, the briskness of a fall morning, a smile on the face of a passerby, hearing the voice of someone you love and who you know loves you.
There are just some things that make this life so much more enjoyable. Those are a few of the things that I'm looking for in my day. What about you?
FREE.
blue skies.
=>h
22 September 2011
The Aftermath
So, the project that I have been working on since July at work is finally over. I cannot express to you how glad that I am that we are in wrap up mode. I can now begin the new fiscal year...it started July 1, but I haven't had a chance to actually start it in my files. I now have time to spend catching up with friends that I have not talked to in a few months. I have time to finish cutting up my stack of magazines.
I have time to invest in my relationship. I am so thankful for the amount of patience and understanding that God has given Alan. He has been steady and present in the past few months, even though I have not been. I am grateful for his ability to make me laugh, to keep me grounded, and to support and encourage me in the midst of chaos at work. He was even at the event. And he has celebrated having me back since then. I value his friendship and his heart for others more than he will ever know.
The event was a success. CNU has begun the celebration for our 50th Anniversary. The main event this past weekend was a Gala Celebration on Sunday evening for 800+ people. (That's Alan and I on stage beside the 11 foot tall birthday cake after the event is over). It was amazing to see months of hardwork pay off. Only by the grace of God was I able to get everything done. It was a wonderful accomplishment to pull that event off. There were so many hands and feet involved and without every single one we would not have been able to do it. I am thankful for the competent, capable people that God has surrounded me with at work. I enjoy my job and am looking forward to the next event.
God really does work in mysterious ways. He is faithful and just to meet our needs in his perfect timing. I am so thankful to have been raised in a home where everything else in life fell in line after God. He is my sustainer and my provider. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He is my PEACE in the midst of the storm.
All of it, my life, my relationship, my job(s)...all Soli Deo Gloria.
so FREE...I'm ready for it
=>h
I have time to invest in my relationship. I am so thankful for the amount of patience and understanding that God has given Alan. He has been steady and present in the past few months, even though I have not been. I am grateful for his ability to make me laugh, to keep me grounded, and to support and encourage me in the midst of chaos at work. He was even at the event. And he has celebrated having me back since then. I value his friendship and his heart for others more than he will ever know.
The event was a success. CNU has begun the celebration for our 50th Anniversary. The main event this past weekend was a Gala Celebration on Sunday evening for 800+ people. (That's Alan and I on stage beside the 11 foot tall birthday cake after the event is over). It was amazing to see months of hardwork pay off. Only by the grace of God was I able to get everything done. It was a wonderful accomplishment to pull that event off. There were so many hands and feet involved and without every single one we would not have been able to do it. I am thankful for the competent, capable people that God has surrounded me with at work. I enjoy my job and am looking forward to the next event.
God really does work in mysterious ways. He is faithful and just to meet our needs in his perfect timing. I am so thankful to have been raised in a home where everything else in life fell in line after God. He is my sustainer and my provider. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He is my PEACE in the midst of the storm.
All of it, my life, my relationship, my job(s)...all Soli Deo Gloria.
so FREE...I'm ready for it
=>h
10 May 2011
Keep on Pressing On
Today is a bittersweet day for me. Happy Boo, my grandmother, died this morning. She is with Jesus now. He has said "Well done, my good and faithful servant." She is no longer in pain. She is no longer suffering. She is dancing and worshiping with the angels.
God is faithful. Despite difficult situations and circumstances He is faithful to see us through. He is faithful to draw us to himself and to comfort our souls. He is consistently watching over us and looking out for us. He is ordering our steps and making plans and arrangements for our lives that we do not even know about yet. He is in control.
I am so thankful to be a part of a family that believes in Him. God is our all sustaining power. He provides the energy and everything that we need to survive. He is our provider. He is our victory. He is our healing. He is our refuge. He is my provider. He is my victory. He is my healing. He is my refuge.
He is my comfort and my strength. He is my portion. He loves me with a love that I will never in my whole life be able to fully comprehend.
Thank you Jesus, for the life that Happy Boo lived. Thank you for the contribution that she made to my life. Thank you for the time that I was privileged to spend with her.
Jesus, I love you. Thank you.
FREE. to cry tears of joy, mourning, and healing.
God is faithful. Despite difficult situations and circumstances He is faithful to see us through. He is faithful to draw us to himself and to comfort our souls. He is consistently watching over us and looking out for us. He is ordering our steps and making plans and arrangements for our lives that we do not even know about yet. He is in control.
I am so thankful to be a part of a family that believes in Him. God is our all sustaining power. He provides the energy and everything that we need to survive. He is our provider. He is our victory. He is our healing. He is our refuge. He is my provider. He is my victory. He is my healing. He is my refuge.
He is my comfort and my strength. He is my portion. He loves me with a love that I will never in my whole life be able to fully comprehend.
Thank you Jesus, for the life that Happy Boo lived. Thank you for the contribution that she made to my life. Thank you for the time that I was privileged to spend with her.
Jesus, I love you. Thank you.
FREE. to cry tears of joy, mourning, and healing.
24 March 2011
My spirit is tender...
So...Hi! Right now, I am actively procrastinating. I am supposed to be spending the evening doing laundry and working on my grad school application for Regent University's Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership. However, in the two hours since I've been home, I have only filled out my transcript request forms for CNU and UR, again. (The first time I requested transcripts, I decided not to read the directions from Regent...oops.)
I don't know why I have so much trouble applying myself sometimes. Probably because I have a subconscious block. Oh well, it will get done.
Since I'm on here I will give you a brief (yeah right, nothing that I write is brief :) ) update...
I am still working in the Department of Alumni Relations and University Events at CNU. Commencement is fast approaching and so we are working on those upcoming events, as well as planning for CNU's 50th Anniversary that we will begin celebrating in the fall. There is lots to do and lots of excitement on campus. There are buildings that are being completed, and talk of the next project to break ground on.
This time of year always makes me wonder, as the world blooms and awakens, what is God growing and awakening in me and in those around me. I am a little sad this year. I have friends that are growing up and will be moving on and some that will be staying around, just in a different capacity. My sadness is not because of the transition, but because I am acutely aware of the passing of time. This June is my 10yr high school reunion (that I am supposed to be planning.... :/ ) and I have been at or around CNU for 9 of those 10yrs. I'm not so young anymore. In fact, it continuously amazes me sometimes when I realize over and over again that one of our interns is 10years younger than me. When I was a freshman in college, she was in third grade.
Now, I know that I am not that old and I'm not saying that I am, I 'm just saying that I am aware of the years passing like I never have been before.
On a different note, I am 32 days into a 100day journey with God. This 100day journey concept came about when I was at home over winter break (yes, I get a winter break...one of the perks of working at a state university), when I found out about one of my parents friends who had done 100 Days of Inspiration. The thought intrigued me. And then in January, I was talking to one of my friends and he was praying about giving up alcohol for 100days. So, the 100day concept came up again. I thought it was a cool idea, but just kind of shrugged it off. I did not think that I would be able to commit to anything like that.
Over the next few weeks, the thought of 100days kept coming up in my mind. In January I was asked to help with worship for a youth retreat at our church in February. I said yes, thinking that I would just be singing and showing up for practice and the retreat, like I had done before. However, God has a sense of humor. As time passed and the retreat drew closer, I became aware of the reality that I was responsible for not only assembling the people to lead worship, but also with coming up with the set lists. That's right lists...as in 5 different sets over 2 days. Now, had I known an established worship group that would not have been a problem, but I just had random people who I knew loved Jesus and loved worship and had various talents--vocal and instrumental. Needless to say, God made his presence known leading up to the Retreat. He placed songs in my path and on my heart and he orchestrated for one of my friends to play guitar with us on Friday night. And get this, it was only her second time playing in public. God is good. He was with us through that entire process and he broke me in that process. I am very used to singing in front of people. And doing it without preparation. God knew that I needed to dig in. He knew that I needed to be in a place of leadership with doing worship for the retreat because that was the only way that He was going to get my attention. Arranging a group, choosing music, scheduling and holding practice, and then leading it all on stage....all things that are completely out of my comfort zone. Way outside of my comfort zone, but the reality is that my God is bigger than my comfort zone. He knew that I would run to him in the process of that preparation. He knew that I knew that I was incapable of doing it on my own. And he spoke to me and ministered to me in the process.
During that weekend God revealed his plan for my 100day journey...focus: on who God is, while journeying through the Psalms and using the creativity and love for hands on to create daily. My 100days began on Monday, February 21 (exactly one week after I turned 28) and will end on Tuesday, May 31 (the last day of my contract at CNU for the 2010-2011 school year----not a coincidence). He has continually revealed himself to me throughout these past thirty two days. He is showing me piece by piece, sometimes moment by moment, who it is that he has created me to be. I am learning and growing and he is shaping me into the woman that he wants me to be and it is so sweet. He has been so merciful and gracious in my life and I am thankful beyond words.
Some days, I find myself in tears for no obvious reason at all, then that He is speaking to my heart and tears are my physical response. This morning our admin assistant (Kim) came in (we share an office) and I was sniffling. She asked if I was crying or if my nose was running. I honestly answered that it was a little bit of both. You see, this morning I was not feeling so well when I woke up. I did not go workout before work like I usually would, I just took my time and went into work. Right before Kim got there, I check my facebook and saw that I had a message from a friend who is traveling in South America. His message was simple, it just said that he had thought of me this morning, he asked how I was and shared that He is great. And that the freedom that he is experiencing is phenomenal! Now, let me say this, this friend is the one who mentioned to me that he was going to be giving up alcohol for 100days and he is one of the ones who helped to plant the seed for this 100day journey in my head. God works full circle even when we don't see it.
I am daily amazed at how mighty, awesome, gentle and loving my God is. He is present all day, every day. And he loves me despite my mess.
I am thoroughly enjoying this journey and I look forward to what God has for me as I press on. I welcome questions, comments, prayer requests and prayer for me. I would love to make time to get together to find out what God is doing in your life. He is moving. Open your eyes and look for Him.
Soli Deo Gloria.
FREE.
(in an ocean of happy tears)
=>h
I don't know why I have so much trouble applying myself sometimes. Probably because I have a subconscious block. Oh well, it will get done.
Since I'm on here I will give you a brief (yeah right, nothing that I write is brief :) ) update...
I am still working in the Department of Alumni Relations and University Events at CNU. Commencement is fast approaching and so we are working on those upcoming events, as well as planning for CNU's 50th Anniversary that we will begin celebrating in the fall. There is lots to do and lots of excitement on campus. There are buildings that are being completed, and talk of the next project to break ground on.
This time of year always makes me wonder, as the world blooms and awakens, what is God growing and awakening in me and in those around me. I am a little sad this year. I have friends that are growing up and will be moving on and some that will be staying around, just in a different capacity. My sadness is not because of the transition, but because I am acutely aware of the passing of time. This June is my 10yr high school reunion (that I am supposed to be planning.... :/ ) and I have been at or around CNU for 9 of those 10yrs. I'm not so young anymore. In fact, it continuously amazes me sometimes when I realize over and over again that one of our interns is 10years younger than me. When I was a freshman in college, she was in third grade.
Now, I know that I am not that old and I'm not saying that I am, I 'm just saying that I am aware of the years passing like I never have been before.
On a different note, I am 32 days into a 100day journey with God. This 100day journey concept came about when I was at home over winter break (yes, I get a winter break...one of the perks of working at a state university), when I found out about one of my parents friends who had done 100 Days of Inspiration. The thought intrigued me. And then in January, I was talking to one of my friends and he was praying about giving up alcohol for 100days. So, the 100day concept came up again. I thought it was a cool idea, but just kind of shrugged it off. I did not think that I would be able to commit to anything like that.
Over the next few weeks, the thought of 100days kept coming up in my mind. In January I was asked to help with worship for a youth retreat at our church in February. I said yes, thinking that I would just be singing and showing up for practice and the retreat, like I had done before. However, God has a sense of humor. As time passed and the retreat drew closer, I became aware of the reality that I was responsible for not only assembling the people to lead worship, but also with coming up with the set lists. That's right lists...as in 5 different sets over 2 days. Now, had I known an established worship group that would not have been a problem, but I just had random people who I knew loved Jesus and loved worship and had various talents--vocal and instrumental. Needless to say, God made his presence known leading up to the Retreat. He placed songs in my path and on my heart and he orchestrated for one of my friends to play guitar with us on Friday night. And get this, it was only her second time playing in public. God is good. He was with us through that entire process and he broke me in that process. I am very used to singing in front of people. And doing it without preparation. God knew that I needed to dig in. He knew that I needed to be in a place of leadership with doing worship for the retreat because that was the only way that He was going to get my attention. Arranging a group, choosing music, scheduling and holding practice, and then leading it all on stage....all things that are completely out of my comfort zone. Way outside of my comfort zone, but the reality is that my God is bigger than my comfort zone. He knew that I would run to him in the process of that preparation. He knew that I knew that I was incapable of doing it on my own. And he spoke to me and ministered to me in the process.
During that weekend God revealed his plan for my 100day journey...focus: on who God is, while journeying through the Psalms and using the creativity and love for hands on to create daily. My 100days began on Monday, February 21 (exactly one week after I turned 28) and will end on Tuesday, May 31 (the last day of my contract at CNU for the 2010-2011 school year----not a coincidence). He has continually revealed himself to me throughout these past thirty two days. He is showing me piece by piece, sometimes moment by moment, who it is that he has created me to be. I am learning and growing and he is shaping me into the woman that he wants me to be and it is so sweet. He has been so merciful and gracious in my life and I am thankful beyond words.
Some days, I find myself in tears for no obvious reason at all, then that He is speaking to my heart and tears are my physical response. This morning our admin assistant (Kim) came in (we share an office) and I was sniffling. She asked if I was crying or if my nose was running. I honestly answered that it was a little bit of both. You see, this morning I was not feeling so well when I woke up. I did not go workout before work like I usually would, I just took my time and went into work. Right before Kim got there, I check my facebook and saw that I had a message from a friend who is traveling in South America. His message was simple, it just said that he had thought of me this morning, he asked how I was and shared that He is great. And that the freedom that he is experiencing is phenomenal! Now, let me say this, this friend is the one who mentioned to me that he was going to be giving up alcohol for 100days and he is one of the ones who helped to plant the seed for this 100day journey in my head. God works full circle even when we don't see it.
I am daily amazed at how mighty, awesome, gentle and loving my God is. He is present all day, every day. And he loves me despite my mess.
I am thoroughly enjoying this journey and I look forward to what God has for me as I press on. I welcome questions, comments, prayer requests and prayer for me. I would love to make time to get together to find out what God is doing in your life. He is moving. Open your eyes and look for Him.
Soli Deo Gloria.
FREE.
(in an ocean of happy tears)
=>h
24 January 2011
2011....WOW
So, as I sit in my office at work waiting for 5 o'clock to arrive, I realize that my day has been spent primarily on internet investigation. By that I mean that I have been perusing websites...of photographers, of shirt makers, of newly engaged couples, of designers, etc... I am in the process of trying to figure out how to launch my umbrella business...so that I can be successful doing the things that I love. What do I mean by being successful you ask. I mean having enough that I am not worried or better put, caught up in making sure that ends meet each month. I mean enjoying what I do everyday and giving back to the people around me.
Why do I bring all of this up in a blog entitled "2011...WOW"? Because this is the year to make it happen. I have dabbled in it all for several years now and its just time. Afterall, my first wedding was 4 years ago and I worked in coffee shops for 6 years before and during college and I have loved making things for other people since I was little and for some reason, that I have yet to put my finger on people seem to like my sense of style and want me to dress them....so...all of that taken in to consideration, I am ready. I am done getting in my own way. I need to do this. For me. And for God's glory. Don't get me wrong, I know that He will use me wherever he puts me, but I would love to use the talents and gifts that I love to use to further the Kingdom.
It has been refreshing to look at the different ways that people do things differently. (Yes, I meant to say it that way.) I thoroughly enjoy the differences that make us unique individuals. I look forward to cultivating those differences in myself and in other people as I continue developing and learning about who God has created me to be. I look forward to the challenges (I may not be happy that I said that later in the year...) and the triumphs that 2011 will bring. I know that God is in complete and total control, but that I also have to get off of my behind and do some work. I look forward to that as well.
My dad is reading a book that talks about the flattening of the earth and how much technology is uniting us worldwide. In what he has read, he mentioned to me that the thing that is making things so much more interesting now, is that the big difference between people doing things and machines doing things is creativity. I have always loved that word. More than anything to me, it speaks of freedom. I guess in a way I truly feel free when I am given the opportunity to create. And more than anything, I love to create beauty. Whether its, doing a lady's makeup for a special event, or organizing the bridal party before everyone walks down the isle, or preparing a wonderful meal for someone to enjoy, or making a beautiful trinket for someone to display in their home, I love to create (sometimes transform) beautiful things.
Well I have rambled more than enough for one afternoon. Besides...its almost time to go home.
So I leave you with this that my friend, Krista McSweeney, posted on her Facebook page:
"live boldly, laugh loudly, love truly, play as often as you can"
That is what I plan to spend the rest of the day doing... playing...and creating beauty while I do it.
=>h
free. to play. to create.
27 October 2010
Not okay.
Aside from the reality that everyday has its ups and downs, I have come to the end of my proverbial rope. I am so so tired of trying to fix things for the rest of the world. I am not Ms. Fix-It. I will admit that I do enjoy being in control, but I am not the end all and be all. I do not have all of the answers. Stop Asking Me!!!
When will someone else ask what they can fix for me? And ask before I actually say something about it, but when they sense that something is off with me. Today, I am not okay.
I am tired. I am broken. I am worn down. And to think I have been wondering so much why I've been 'sickly' lately. All of the previous statements add up to a lack of health.
I want to feel good. I don't want to be sick. I want to be able to use my gifts and talents to help others with a cheerful heart and not because they need me so much that they are draining me. I want to live in an uplifting environment that is 100% open. I hate closed doors. I don't want to feel like it is my responsibility to take care of people that are grown. I just want to get along with people. I just want to get my other business up and running. I know there are a lot of things that I want. The main thing is just to feel at peace. With myself. With my environment. With my relationships.
And yes, I know that In Christ Alone my hope is found. I'm just struggling today. It will be okay. It will be more that okay. It will be wonderful, but right now, its not and that is the reality that faces me today.
For those who thought that just because my name is Happy, I would be happy all of the time...let me ask: are you happy all of the time?
God is in control and has my best in mind. He will take care of me as he has many many times before and will continue to do in the future.
=>h
FREE...but in need of peace.
When will someone else ask what they can fix for me? And ask before I actually say something about it, but when they sense that something is off with me. Today, I am not okay.
I am tired. I am broken. I am worn down. And to think I have been wondering so much why I've been 'sickly' lately. All of the previous statements add up to a lack of health.
I want to feel good. I don't want to be sick. I want to be able to use my gifts and talents to help others with a cheerful heart and not because they need me so much that they are draining me. I want to live in an uplifting environment that is 100% open. I hate closed doors. I don't want to feel like it is my responsibility to take care of people that are grown. I just want to get along with people. I just want to get my other business up and running. I know there are a lot of things that I want. The main thing is just to feel at peace. With myself. With my environment. With my relationships.
And yes, I know that In Christ Alone my hope is found. I'm just struggling today. It will be okay. It will be more that okay. It will be wonderful, but right now, its not and that is the reality that faces me today.
For those who thought that just because my name is Happy, I would be happy all of the time...let me ask: are you happy all of the time?
God is in control and has my best in mind. He will take care of me as he has many many times before and will continue to do in the future.
=>h
FREE...but in need of peace.
23 September 2010
and so it goes.
So while I was on the way to work from getting my hair done this morning, I saw it on the side of the road....another sign, in a completely different part of town than the ones I saw last night. Actually it was three signs. They said "You are loved" "for ever" "and ever". They made me smile.
I had the wonderful opportunity to spend the morning with a beautiful sister in Christ and in Mary Kay. It was wonderful to be in her home and to feel the peace that we only get from being in God's presence. We had wonderful conversation and I look forward to seeing what roads this friendship will travel.
This evening, I have the amazing pleasure of being able to serve at the CNU Board of Visitors dinner. I know a few of the board members and am looking forward to seeing them and to just enjoying my time with them. Today has been a good day. I have been able to enjoy classical music all day. I was able to make the phone calls that I needed to make for CNU. And the best part was that I woke up this morning in my right mind.
Strange to say that huh? Well, something my friend Ashley posted the other day on her Facebook page made me think of it. She said this
It really makes me stop and realize that I am blessed beyond measure. I know that the Lord has done, is doing and will continue to do great things in and through me.
=>h
so yeah today, for the first time in a while I really am FREE.
I had the wonderful opportunity to spend the morning with a beautiful sister in Christ and in Mary Kay. It was wonderful to be in her home and to feel the peace that we only get from being in God's presence. We had wonderful conversation and I look forward to seeing what roads this friendship will travel.
This evening, I have the amazing pleasure of being able to serve at the CNU Board of Visitors dinner. I know a few of the board members and am looking forward to seeing them and to just enjoying my time with them. Today has been a good day. I have been able to enjoy classical music all day. I was able to make the phone calls that I needed to make for CNU. And the best part was that I woke up this morning in my right mind.
Strange to say that huh? Well, something my friend Ashley posted the other day on her Facebook page made me think of it. She said this
"I get to run with my sister this morning. Yes I just said - I GET TO run! Not
everyone wakes up with that opportunity each day. Sometimes I feel so
fortunate to be able to run...or even walk. Remember to count your blessing,
no matter what they may be!"
It really makes me stop and realize that I am blessed beyond measure. I know that the Lord has done, is doing and will continue to do great things in and through me.
=>h
so yeah today, for the first time in a while I really am FREE.
Life Keeps Going...
So, I have been in a retrospective place lately in life. This is where I am right now...(yes, I know its long...)
=>h
Life is what you make it. We’ve all heard it before, but how long has it been since you actually lived it? As I was driving home from choir rehearsal tonight in somewhat of a questionable mood, I noticed a sign along the side of the road. It read “very much” and had two balloons, one red and one pink, tied to it. I was confused. About 300ft later there was another sign that said “you are amazing” with the same red and pink balloons. There were various signs for about a mile. The others said things like “you are kind” and “you are generous”. They caught my attention. White signs with black lettering and a red balloon and a pink balloon. Simple, but extremely profound. No, these signs were not in my neighborhood, put up by one of my neighbors. They were on the side of Warwick Blvd Newport News
At what point in life did you decide that it was okay to let other people and society dictate to you your dreams? I am still fighting the battle to do the things I love without feeling like I am not going to be able to make ends meet. Without feeling like I am going to let people down. Without feeling like I will be selling out or even slacking off by pursuing the things that I love.
I love people. I love making people happy. It is both a blessing and a curse. I love making people see that they can believe in themselves and that they are better than other people have lead them to believe. I love turning things that may be viewed as trash into precious treasures. I love doing things with my hands. I love the look on a woman’s face when she really sees for the first time that she is a beautiful daughter of the King, not only on the inside but also on the outside. I love it when I can help a woman choose an outfit that she loves herself in, not because she can hide in it, but because it truly reflects the soul within her. I love dropping off random gifts at people’s homes and making unexpected drop in visits. I love keeping apartments and houses tidy and making them live larger than you ever thought possible. I love good movies…actually I just love movies, they do not necessarily have to be good. I love having time and the desire to prepare food for other people. I love to entertain, but I also love to spend time by myself. I love it when people RSVP. I love to get ‘snail mail’. I have an enormous amount of respect for my parents, and pray that one day I will be as good a parent to my children as they have been and continue to be to me. I love having the financial means to give not only monetarily to those in need, but even to give of something that I purchased for myself that someone else loves when they see it. I love providing the unexpected. I love surprising people. I love surprises. I love paper and fabric. I love sunshine. I also love rain. I love to sing in public bathrooms (the acoustics are usually great because of the tiled walls and floors). I love to walk around barefoot. I love to drive with the windows down, even if it makes my hair stand up all over the place. I love the word ‘free’. I also love the word ‘clearance’. I love thrift stores and yard sales. I love shopping with my mom. I love driving and walking around with my dad. I love books and reading. I love magazines that address one topic, i.e. fashion or home décor/design or news. I love the beach. I do not need to get in the water to enjoy my time there. I just need to be close to the water. I love the smell and taste of coffee anytime of the day and year round. I love homemade food. I enjoy riding but prefer not to drive unless I am on the highway and then I love to drive. I love finding amazing deals in places that most people never stop to take the time to look. I love *tasteful* graffiti. I love houses, even if they are not mine. I love summer days, but I love fall mornings and spring afternoons. I love clear winter night skies. I love seeing the clouds on the moon. I love sunglasses. I love high heels. I love smiling.
Thank you Jesus for all of the people/things I love.
I fail to let people know how much I value them in my life. I fail to show emotion as much as some people would like. I fail to confront situations head on. Instead I let them build until I cannot take it any more and I usually blow up. I am working on that. I fail to trust that people are capable, especially once they have let me down the first time. I fail to give people the shadow of the doubt. I fail to receive graciously, yet I expect others to. I fail to truly live up to my name recently. I love my name and the happiness that it brings others when they find out what it is. I fail to remember and celebrate birthdays of those in my life, not because I do not know or do not have it written on my calendar, but because I find myself so self absorbed that I usually remember the day after.
Thank you Jesus for all of the things at which I fail.
I just about lost it. My computer blue screened. I hadn’t saved anything. Thank God that the computer saved most of it.
Jesus, I am a mess. I am tired of giving up and backing down because somewhere along the line, someone told me or I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough at x or wasn’t capable enough to follow y through. Lord, Psalm 3 says that you sustain me and you do, but Lord, I am tired of being sustained. I want to thrive! At what point in life do I get to soar? I feel like my wings are clipped and like I get my feet off of the ground every once in a while, but then I get pulled back down and held down. Jesus, I want to do great things for You. I want to use the gifts and talents and abilities that you have given me to bring You glory. Lord, I want to be the person helping other people to clue in to the reality that life is not about them, instead of being the person that always needs other people to clue me in. Jesus, I want ‘he tangata’ to ring true in everything that I do, because it is true. Life is not about me. It is about being Christ to the people that come in contact with me. I do not want to be cynical and judgmental. I want to be honest and truthful but I want to be graceful and kind in my delivery. Lord, I know that you made each of us different and I know that I do not fit the mold that I probably think I should fit. Lord, thank you for making me different. Please help me to see how to use my differences effectively to be a light. Lord, mold and shape me to be the best me that I can be. I don’t want to be anyone else. Once more, for my own benefit, I DON’T WANT TO BE ANYONE ELSE. I am HAPPY MATTEA DARCUS. The one and only and you created me for a specific purpose. Lord, continue to open my eyes. Reveal to me your purpose for my life and my role in the lives of the people around me. Jesus, correct me where I need correcting. Give me boldness and push me in the direction(s) that I need to be pushed. Help me to go to bed earlier, so that I can get up earlier and to get sound sleep at night so that I may face each day revived and ready to meet whatever comes at me head on. Lord, I pray for clarity and focus. That I would be attentive to the task at hand and complete it in a timely and efficient manner. Lord, that your will would be done in my life even if my will gets in the way. That you would give me a hunger for you so much. That you would help me to be loving in my conversations and interactions with the people that I love and that you would open up doors and windows and cracks and crevices to make those relationships better. Thank you Jesus for surrounding me with people who love You and who love me. Thank you for your new mercies every single morning. God you are awesome. And you are faithful. Soli Deo Gloria.
=>h
23 July 2010
Still Hanging On...
Sometimes I feel like I only write when things are looking a little grey. So, I bought a used dryer today, because we need one in our apartment. That is just the facts, if I were to really tell you how I feel about the whole dryer situation, feelings would be hurt. So, that is where I will leave it.
Life these days is sometimes interesting and sometimes boring. I spend a lot of time by myself. I have been cooking more though. I made a apple pie type dessert earlier this week and empenadas. They were good.
In the boringness of life lately, I have had a lot of time to think. No revelations. Just lots of thoughts running through my head.
I'm not going to Dallas this summer. It really was going to be one of the highlights of my summer, but I failed to plan well. Yes, I did plan, but as we all know 'the best laid plans often fail'. Now that that plan has 'failed' (for lack of a better way to put it), I am thinking that I will spend some time next week in Charlottesville and Richmond. It would be good to escape Newport News for a while. Hopefully, I will still be able to go to Nags Head for at least a few days, before I dive back into the black hole that is employment at CNU. Wow, I'm just extra cheerful today. Let's see if I can change veins a little....
Good things that happened today:
I was able to borrow a truck and enlist help to move the dryer.
I was able to spend some time with Kristen Collins, while she was preparing to move.
I revived my basil from heat exhaustion.
I started on my next hat for heros.
I began the process of hanging frames for my wall mural collection.
I woke up this morning and have had some time to spend with Justin.
I ran into Sharron at Michaels and got to catch up a little bit.
All in all I have nothing valid to complain about. Yes, things have not gone completely my way today and yes, if I had it to do again I would probably change some things, but overall I cannot complain. I have clothes on my body, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am loved. I know that Jesus will provide for my every need as He has graciously done countless times before. I know that He will go before me, come after me, and surround me in every situation that I encounter.
He will be and always is faithful, even when I fail Him.
Soli Deo Gloria.
Deuces. Night.
Free... to grow and change and question and ponder and observe and move.
Life these days is sometimes interesting and sometimes boring. I spend a lot of time by myself. I have been cooking more though. I made a apple pie type dessert earlier this week and empenadas. They were good.
In the boringness of life lately, I have had a lot of time to think. No revelations. Just lots of thoughts running through my head.
I'm not going to Dallas this summer. It really was going to be one of the highlights of my summer, but I failed to plan well. Yes, I did plan, but as we all know 'the best laid plans often fail'. Now that that plan has 'failed' (for lack of a better way to put it), I am thinking that I will spend some time next week in Charlottesville and Richmond. It would be good to escape Newport News for a while. Hopefully, I will still be able to go to Nags Head for at least a few days, before I dive back into the black hole that is employment at CNU. Wow, I'm just extra cheerful today. Let's see if I can change veins a little....
Good things that happened today:
I was able to borrow a truck and enlist help to move the dryer.
I was able to spend some time with Kristen Collins, while she was preparing to move.
I revived my basil from heat exhaustion.
I started on my next hat for heros.
I began the process of hanging frames for my wall mural collection.
I woke up this morning and have had some time to spend with Justin.
I ran into Sharron at Michaels and got to catch up a little bit.
All in all I have nothing valid to complain about. Yes, things have not gone completely my way today and yes, if I had it to do again I would probably change some things, but overall I cannot complain. I have clothes on my body, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am loved. I know that Jesus will provide for my every need as He has graciously done countless times before. I know that He will go before me, come after me, and surround me in every situation that I encounter.
He will be and always is faithful, even when I fail Him.
Soli Deo Gloria.
Deuces. Night.
Free... to grow and change and question and ponder and observe and move.
17 June 2010
New Apt....New Season
Sleepy. I really should be going to bed right now. I will in a few minutes.
So, I have moved. It was time. I'm holding true to my once a year move. Its kind of weird because its almost like I start getting the 'time to move' bug around mid-March every year. I have to say that I will be very glad when I am able to purchase a house and put down my own 'real' roots. Life will change so much for me then. It will be wonderful!!!
I feel like I'm running again. I don't really know what from or what to, but I am running. I find that I have been getting like this more and more. I miss the me that stood up to situations and people. The me that was motivated and believed in myself. The me that took the Bible as the truth that it is but that really let it affect me. I miss the me that let people in and that reacted to them.
Today, I watched Ocean's Thirteen and as the movie is ending one of the characters says "The moment you become embarrassed of who you are, you lose yourself." That sentence always strikes something in me, but today it struck particularly hard. It really makes me wonder if I am embarrassed of who I am. Am I embarrassed of who God has crafted and created me to be? Am I actually trying (and failing miserably) to run from myself?
This whole running thing was a part of my devotional a few days ago. The reference was 1 Corinthians 9:19-27 and it spoke about running in such a way to receive the prize. I was a collegiate athlete, a runner. I know what it means to run to receive the prize. I have done it. The movie referenced in the devotional was Chariots of Fire. It is about runners getting ready for the 1924 Olympics. There is one runner Harold Abrahams, who loses a race in the prelims and says that if he can't win, then he doesn't want to runner. His wise girlfriend says "if you don't run, you can't win". That is somewhat how I have been feeling lately. I don't think that I can win and so instead of trying anyway, I'm just not running.
I cannot tell you the last time I threw my heart over the line for someone or something. I don't remember.
I have come to the realization that not only do I not feel like running right now, but if I did run, what would I be running for? I talk a lot of big talk about Mary Kay. I enjoy it and believe that it has the ability to help me to reach other goals in my life. Is it wrong of me to use it as a means toward the end? I also talk about the coffee shop and art gallery/store that I want to own one day, but am I doing anything to make it happen now? Nope.
The big question is:
Am I even running now? If so, am I running with a prize in mind or am I running aimlessly?
in this moment, i just don't know.
PRAY.
for FREE.
So, I have moved. It was time. I'm holding true to my once a year move. Its kind of weird because its almost like I start getting the 'time to move' bug around mid-March every year. I have to say that I will be very glad when I am able to purchase a house and put down my own 'real' roots. Life will change so much for me then. It will be wonderful!!!
I feel like I'm running again. I don't really know what from or what to, but I am running. I find that I have been getting like this more and more. I miss the me that stood up to situations and people. The me that was motivated and believed in myself. The me that took the Bible as the truth that it is but that really let it affect me. I miss the me that let people in and that reacted to them.
Today, I watched Ocean's Thirteen and as the movie is ending one of the characters says "The moment you become embarrassed of who you are, you lose yourself." That sentence always strikes something in me, but today it struck particularly hard. It really makes me wonder if I am embarrassed of who I am. Am I embarrassed of who God has crafted and created me to be? Am I actually trying (and failing miserably) to run from myself?
This whole running thing was a part of my devotional a few days ago. The reference was 1 Corinthians 9:19-27 and it spoke about running in such a way to receive the prize. I was a collegiate athlete, a runner. I know what it means to run to receive the prize. I have done it. The movie referenced in the devotional was Chariots of Fire. It is about runners getting ready for the 1924 Olympics. There is one runner Harold Abrahams, who loses a race in the prelims and says that if he can't win, then he doesn't want to runner. His wise girlfriend says "if you don't run, you can't win". That is somewhat how I have been feeling lately. I don't think that I can win and so instead of trying anyway, I'm just not running.
I cannot tell you the last time I threw my heart over the line for someone or something. I don't remember.
I have come to the realization that not only do I not feel like running right now, but if I did run, what would I be running for? I talk a lot of big talk about Mary Kay. I enjoy it and believe that it has the ability to help me to reach other goals in my life. Is it wrong of me to use it as a means toward the end? I also talk about the coffee shop and art gallery/store that I want to own one day, but am I doing anything to make it happen now? Nope.
The big question is:
Am I even running now? If so, am I running with a prize in mind or am I running aimlessly?
in this moment, i just don't know.
PRAY.
for FREE.
20 May 2010
Commencement is over....
Commencement is over. Its not necessarily sad. Not necessarily happy. Just a fact.
It amazes me how much events can take it out if you. I have recovered somewhat since Sunday. At the end of the day Sunday, my "I" was completely empty. My introvert was in desperate need of recharging. I have had some time to do that this week, but despite time to do that I still feel empty and somewhat pulled in multiple directions.
It is that time of year for me to think about moving again. As it turns out, I am in need of a new place to live, no later than the end of July. Right now, I have a possible new roommate, but we need to make a fast decision in order to get the apartment that we want. I am tired of having to make decisions fast about moving. I am tired of having to make decisions about moving period.
I just want to have a place that is mine. A place where I can paint and build and do everything that I want to. A place where I can stay. I don't want to move year after year after year.
I guess that will come with hardwork and being a good steward of my money. I am working hard to ensure that happens.
That's all for now. Boring, I know. Maybe more later tonight.
It amazes me how much events can take it out if you. I have recovered somewhat since Sunday. At the end of the day Sunday, my "I" was completely empty. My introvert was in desperate need of recharging. I have had some time to do that this week, but despite time to do that I still feel empty and somewhat pulled in multiple directions.
It is that time of year for me to think about moving again. As it turns out, I am in need of a new place to live, no later than the end of July. Right now, I have a possible new roommate, but we need to make a fast decision in order to get the apartment that we want. I am tired of having to make decisions fast about moving. I am tired of having to make decisions about moving period.
I just want to have a place that is mine. A place where I can paint and build and do everything that I want to. A place where I can stay. I don't want to move year after year after year.
I guess that will come with hardwork and being a good steward of my money. I am working hard to ensure that happens.
That's all for now. Boring, I know. Maybe more later tonight.
02 May 2010
I'm BAAAACCCCKKK....
So somewhere along the road... between technical difficulties and life happening, I proceeded to put off blogging for about 3 months. For those who have checked for new blogs, I apologize. For those just tuning in, welcome.
Because I missed February and March (and most of April) I decided to make a Picasa photo album and put those pictures there. The link is:
February, March and April Pictures
I'm just going to start with today. It was a busy weekend. I helped with the Mason-Dixon Conference Track Meet in Salisbury, MD this weekend.
More than anything, the time in Maryland reminded me how much I care about people and how much inequality pushes my buttons. Even more than it pushes my buttons it makes me so mad I could scream. Inequality and incompetence they both make me want to scream at people. It usually takes a lot for me to get there and this weekend, I got there.
For the first time though I handled it much differently. Instead of talking about it and talking about it (oh I assure you that I did plenty of that), I actually talked to the person responsible for my frustration. It was wonderful. Incredibly freeing and I am glad that I did it. Even when the person that needs to hear it may not understand it, it still feels much better to get it off of your chest and make sure that the person who needs to know, knows.
I look forward to taking advantage of more opportunities, like I had this weekend. And hope that in the future, instead of getting so upset, that I will be able to help educate people when I find myself in this situation.
Until tomorrow. (I'm really going to try for tomorrow.)
=>happy
Because I missed February and March (and most of April) I decided to make a Picasa photo album and put those pictures there. The link is:
February, March and April Pictures
I'm just going to start with today. It was a busy weekend. I helped with the Mason-Dixon Conference Track Meet in Salisbury, MD this weekend.
More than anything, the time in Maryland reminded me how much I care about people and how much inequality pushes my buttons. Even more than it pushes my buttons it makes me so mad I could scream. Inequality and incompetence they both make me want to scream at people. It usually takes a lot for me to get there and this weekend, I got there.
For the first time though I handled it much differently. Instead of talking about it and talking about it (oh I assure you that I did plenty of that), I actually talked to the person responsible for my frustration. It was wonderful. Incredibly freeing and I am glad that I did it. Even when the person that needs to hear it may not understand it, it still feels much better to get it off of your chest and make sure that the person who needs to know, knows.
I look forward to taking advantage of more opportunities, like I had this weekend. And hope that in the future, instead of getting so upset, that I will be able to help educate people when I find myself in this situation.
Until tomorrow. (I'm really going to try for tomorrow.)
=>happy
25 January 2010
It was a beautiful day...
So this morning dawned early...not so bright because of the rain and the fact that it was 6:30 ish when I got up. You read that correctly. I know, not exactly a 'Happy' wake up hour. I'm trying some new things in life right now. One of them is to get up earlier. And to establish a routine/stick to a schedule.
1.21.2010 So these are the Valentine's Day decorations that are on our kitchen table. This is what I decided to do after we finally took down the Christmas decorations this week. I just couldn't bear for there to be empty space. The table looked so lonely without decorations. (I also hung heart shaped sparkly garland above the table.)
1.24.2010 What you see here is what I found on my kitchen table when I got home Sunday night. It was lined up just like this. Oh Janet cracks me up. She is fun.
1.21.2010 So these are the Valentine's Day decorations that are on our kitchen table. This is what I decided to do after we finally took down the Christmas decorations this week. I just couldn't bear for there to be empty space. The table looked so lonely without decorations. (I also hung heart shaped sparkly garland above the table.)
1.22.2010 Yes, this is just a picture of my car. But there is a funny story behind the picture.... Friday morning when I got to work I had about 40 posters that I needed to carry up to my office on the 4th floor of the building. So I parked in an Admissions designated spot, turned my hazards on, and took all of the stuff upstairs. Around 3pm, I needed to go to the wearhouse across Warwick to pick up some items. I walked all the way out to the parking lot, only to then remember that my car was just outside of the building on the other side. I then remembered that I had left my hazards on...all day. Needless to say my battery was beyond dead. There were cars on either side of me and in the two spots in front of me. I called CNU PD and they brought a jump box, but my car was so dead that it wouldn't even catch well enough to start. Thankfully, one of the cars beside me ended up being my supervisors car and so she was able to give me a jump and got my car started.
1.23.2010 Good Saturday Morning Newport News! This was taken at City Center around 8:30am Sat morning. Yes, that is my shadow taking the pic. No, the pic is not supposed to be focused on the pole, that's just how it happened. I do not really know why, but this is the picture that made it for today. My coffee and muffin at Aroma's were good. I waited there for Justin to finish his employee meeting. Then we spent the day being lazy and watching movies. It was a good day.
1.24.2010 What you see here is what I found on my kitchen table when I got home Sunday night. It was lined up just like this. Oh Janet cracks me up. She is fun.
1.25.2010 This is my piggy bank. It collects my change until I need to spend it. Money weighs heavily on my mind tonight. I cling to the knowledge that "My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory" (reference anyone?...I can't find it)
He is faithful even when we are not and for that I am incredibly thankful. He will provide.
AMEN!
I look forward to what tomorrow brings. Only He knows what the future holds.
*FREE*
14 January 2010
Something that Sam said...started it all...
God is far better than we can think, imagine, or dream. The fact that you're alive at this very moment is evidence of God's grace upon your life. Don't waste your life.
-Sam Kang
-Sam Kang
What does it mean to waste your life? Are you wasting your life? What are you doing that makes a positive impact in the life of someone? What are you doing that makes you happy? And I'm not talking about happy in that moment but intrinsically happy? Long-term happy?
I'm trying to figure all of that out for myself. I spend so much time focused on other people and what I can do for them, that I forget about what I can do for me. Its a challenge that I have always had. Sometimes I handle it better than other times. I guess its all a part of growing and developing and I never will 'arrive' so it will always be with me.
Anyway, here are the pictures for the last few days:
1.14.2010: TRUST, SING, KNOW
Those are words that I know well, but that I fail to apply fully in my day to day life. I must TRUST that God is in control and that He has a better plan for me than I have for myself (which doesn't take much these days). I must SING because I have been gifted with a wonderful talent and not only does it make others happy and bless them, it blesses me because I worship so much more freely and with so much more of who I am when I sing. I must KNOW that my God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches and glory. I must also KNOW that all of the glory and honor for how God chooses to manifest his presence in my life belong solely to Him.
Soli Deo Gloria.
1.15.2010
This picture demonstrates the best way to end a Friday...NOT!!!
My computer at work went blue screen on me on Friday, while I was typing webpage wording in preparation for our upcoming Commencement. I was not very happy at that moment, but thankfully I had other things that I could do and have needed to do. Isn't it funny how easily we get caught up in the computer? These days we rely so heavily on it, that we struggle to survive without it. Do you remember days before cell phones and gps systems? When people actually carried change and phone numbers written down and they used maps and got directions to places instead of simply saying they will "mapquest it" or "plug the address into their tom tom/garmin/choose your brand..." We have become a society so dependent on technology that we cannot function without it. By that I mean, we have laptops and blackberrys and iphones that keep us connected around the clock. We cannot survive life without twittering or being on facebook constantly. We have virtual friends instead of real ones. We get suspicious when anyone in real life tries to give us something for free, but accept 'gifts' right and left with the click of a mouse for our profile page or gift page. We spend so much time enveloped in technology that we are getting fatter, more lazy, disrespectful, unhealthy and then we wonder why we feel bad throughout the day. When was the last time you went for a walk around your block on a brisk winter morning? Not just for the exercise, but for some time away from the beeps and dings and buzzes of technology. We should strive to do just that sometime. We should open our mouths and speak to people that we pass on the street. We should be willing to lend a helping hand to a neighbor or an acquaintance just because they need it and not because there is something in it for us. We have the power to influence change and to help people to be more aware.I am thinking of doing another thing this year. Its been rolling around in my head for a little while now, the title of the project is called Stories. Basically, the idea is to go around and to be intentional about taking the time and showing that I care enough about people to hear their story. I can think of a few people off the top of my head whom I would like to approach yesterday. These are not hot shots, these are not big wigs, but are normal people just like you and me....although the hot shots and big wigs still put their pants on just like the rest of us.
1.16.2010
The answer is Yes. Before you even ask, I took this picture while I was driving. It was a beautiful sunrise Saturday morning. I was making my way down the road to Virginia Beach for a Mary Kay training session. I love sunrises, but I also enjoy sleep and I had forgotten what it was like to be awake to see a sunrise. I need to and will be doing it more often. As I write this my alarm is set for 7am tomorrow morning. I am glad that the days are getting longer, because it is actually light at 7 now. Anyway, I am working to put somemore discipline into my life and to make sure that I take advantage of every sunrise that I can.
1.17.2010
So
Sunday morning dawned bright and sunny and I chose to spend the morning sleeping and to go to church in the afternoon. It was wonderful and I am glad that I did it. Not only did I get some extra sleep, but I also was able to see some friends that I had not seen in a while and do a bit of work on these crowns. This picture actually has most of our living room in it, with the sunlight streaming through the windows. And with all of the supplies and such laid out on the floor ready to be used. Fun, Fun, Fun!!!
Sunday morning dawned bright and sunny and I chose to spend the morning sleeping and to go to church in the afternoon. It was wonderful and I am glad that I did it. Not only did I get some extra sleep, but I also was able to see some friends that I had not seen in a while and do a bit of work on these crowns. This picture actually has most of our living room in it, with the sunlight streaming through the windows. And with all of the supplies and such laid out on the floor ready to be used. Fun, Fun, Fun!!!1.18.2010
This is Max. He is 11 weeks old and came to visit me today at work. He was sooooo cute!!! My desk sits just to the left of the area that the picture captured, and I was working on something when I see our Executive VP jog down the hall playfully and look behind him. I stuck my head out the door and here came Max. He got distracted from chasing the VP and ran right over to me and of course I squatted down so that I was more on his level. He just was so excited to be there and to get attention and to be loved and petted. His little tail was wagging so much that it shook his whole body. Oh I want a dog. Now, Max will get to be about 15 pounds when he is fully grown. And he will still be just as cute then. It was great to have him come for a visit. The spirit was lighthearted and there were smiles and laughs and excitement. The people that I see on a daily basis were acutually happy and excited to see Max and it showed not only in their faces, but in their body language and in their willingness to leave what they were doing to enjoy time with Max. It was priceless. And I am thankful that Max decided to stop and love on me during his visit.1.19.2010
SHINE!!! That is something that we all should do on a daily basis in our daily lives. I fail to shine lately. If I am shining, I just have a dull shimmer. No, I am not trying to put myself down, just stating some truth. I need to fully be the person that God created me to be, but that can only happen when I let go. One day I will see my Jesus face to face and I know for sure that both of us will be shining on that day. So shine on, shine on, shine on me, whenever something's missing you're exactly what I need. Your love has shown me the life and now I finally seen. So shine on, shine on, shine on me.1.20.2010
So today I finally decided that I would be better off going to workout with the track team than going by myself. So I left work at 3:30 and went with the track team to workout. Let's just say that I am sore now, but it is a good sore. I am looking forward to working with the students on the team and helping them develop some leadership amongst themselves.I have not done a workout for track in several years, so I know that we will start slow, but we will also be steady. It was an interesting practice for me. In the midst of trying not to pass out (because my heart rate was sky hi and my body was rebelling), I watched the short sprinters complete and finish 12-80 meter runs.
It was good to see them do a real work out. I will
enjoy working with them in the future.
Well that about sums it up. I will do my best to make sure that there is not this much of a lag in time between posts from now on. I have been good about taking my pictures , but now I need to make sure to load them on the computer. lol.
Well this is where I sign off for tonight. Have a wonderful night!Be blessed now and for always and be a blessing.
*FREE*
HI!!!!!!
So I really don't have much to say today. I'm tired. But then again who isn't these days.
I heard something interesting on the radio today. They were talking about money and greed. And about tithing.
'Obtaining more items in life does not diminish fear, but they increase it.'
I thought that was really interesting considering the way that Americans are. Its more more more. I get tired of more. At what point in life will we want less less less.
I need to have less stuff, but somehow I keep accumulating. I think part of the challenge is that I enjoy shopping. Not just spending money, but the actual process of shopping whether it is for me or for other people. (Actually I think I may enjoy shopping for other people more than for myself.)
Random I know.
So here are the pics for yesterday. (1.12.2010) Yes, I said pics. It is a series. If you have a weak stomach or a strong gag reflex you might want to be careful. (Don't worry its nothing gory or vulgar just questionably gross. hehehe....)
So this is photo #1. I had a little oops in the kitchen last night. And something went splat.
Photo #2. It was Janet's idea to use the plate to scoop it up.I was just standing there looking dumbfounded. Janet saved the day!!!
Photo #3. In case you hadn't figured it out, I dropped the 2/3 full bottle of salsa. There is about 8oz left that didn't fall out of the colossal hole in the bottom of the bottle.Now for today's pic. 1.13.2010:
Pretty. Simple.
A vacant encouragement card to go with the crowns from earlier this week.
Love.
*Free*
=>h
11 January 2010
So I figured out the picture thing...but then I uploaded them backwards....oops
1.11.2010: Scissors for the ribbon cutting to dedicate the new Lewis Archer McMurran, Jr. hall at CNU. The building and growing continues. I think today I counted six new buildings that have been built and opened since I started there as a freshman eight and a half years ago. I guess growth and transition and change is in the blood there. Maybe that's why I cannot seem to settle successfully.
1.10.2010: These are Tatem and Allen's babies. From the back left counterclockwise there is Rocky, Widget, Riley and Elle. They are fun-loving and full of energy. I spent some time hanging out with them this evening. Tatem made pot roast, homemade mashed potatoes, and cheddar buttermilk biscuits. She has grown into a remarkable woman. A few years ago I would never have guessed that she would be where she is today, but God's grace prevails. I am proud of the woman that she has become and the little bit of a part that I had in the process.
1.9.2010: These are crowns for Rosemary's Womens Retreats. After making about 100 of these things I have finally figured out a system. They are relaxing to make and knowing that they will allow other women to feel blessed and to bless each other makes my heart feel good. I know that despite the effort that I put into the things that I make for retreats God always works through the effort that I have and something glorious results. 
1.3.2010: The two following pictures are actually a product of love that I began three years ago. This is Tatem's graduation present from me. I used to sew and embroider greek letters for those in fraternities and sororities regularly. I began this quilt when I was in the height of doing that. However, somewhere along the way I got distracted and put it aside to deal with life. I hate it when life gets in the way of creative genius. And yes I know hate is an incredibly strong word, but that's really what I mean. Our lives should not be dictated by what situation and circumstance arises. We should not have to put down the things that we love and the things that give us joy and that bless other people because of the interruptions of life. However, I know that even in those times of "pause" there is purpose and God is working in us great and wonderful things. Finishing this quilt at the beginning of the new year has planted me squarely back where I belong when it comes to letting my creativity out. I completely and totally look forward to watching myself blossom and bloom in this wonderful first year of a new decade.
And I'm signing off now.
1.3.2010: The two following pictures are actually a product of love that I began three years ago. This is Tatem's graduation present from me. I used to sew and embroider greek letters for those in fraternities and sororities regularly. I began this quilt when I was in the height of doing that. However, somewhere along the way I got distracted and put it aside to deal with life. I hate it when life gets in the way of creative genius. And yes I know hate is an incredibly strong word, but that's really what I mean. Our lives should not be dictated by what situation and circumstance arises. We should not have to put down the things that we love and the things that give us joy and that bless other people because of the interruptions of life. However, I know that even in those times of "pause" there is purpose and God is working in us great and wonderful things. Finishing this quilt at the beginning of the new year has planted me squarely back where I belong when it comes to letting my creativity out. I completely and totally look forward to watching myself blossom and bloom in this wonderful first year of a new decade.
And I'm signing off now.
Free.
And so it begins...
Well I am not honestly sure how to do this anymore. I used to be a regular blogger, but that was when MySpace was big. Now, I find I just don't have an outlet. Facebook is too open. Twitter requires too much up keep. I think blogspot is where I have landed because I feel no obligation to post minute by minute, but I also know that unless you care, you won't come see.
So the first post...(it will probably be a little random for a while until I get back into some kind of grove with blogging, so bear with me)
The beginning of a new year always leaves us wondering about what happened in the previous year and what will come in the current year. I know that no matter what situation or circumstance arises, God is in control.
I have given up watching television and movies alone this month. I was reverting to old habits of just being alone and not caring about doing anything, just letting whatever is on the screen take over. Unhealthy, yes I know. So instead I am doing crafts, surfing facebook (not that I am pleased about having so much time to do this), and lots of reading. I think I'm in the middle of five different books right now. Such a range of topics and types too: The Shack by W.M. Young, The Cure for the Common Life by Max Lucado, A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers, Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis and Do What You Are by????.
I guess I'm just trying to find different things to fill my time. Oh I have also decided to try something else in 2010. A photo diary (for lack of a better way to put it). Basically, it means that I will be taking one picture each day in 2010 and at the end of the year we will see where this year has taken me. Because I did not decide to do this until earlier this week, I am not sure that I have photos for the first few days, but that's okay. The past few days have been interesting because the photos really chronicle my life. As soon as I figure out how to do it, I will put the photos on here and will put descriptions of what was happening with each picture.
I hope that I haven't seemed too crazy or all over the place in this brief post, but trust that I have said what I needed to say. On a different note, for those of you who know what it means to shoot some arrows up, please let some loose for direction and clarity and the general struggle with knowing who we are and following that path. I read something today on a facbook profile that made me think "do what you dream. shine on."
Truth.
This year more than any other I just want to be FREE.
So that is what I pray for myself and for you. That is what I long for. That is what I am seeking God for. Only in true freedom can we experience and give true love. And that is where I want to be.
*FREE*
So the first post...(it will probably be a little random for a while until I get back into some kind of grove with blogging, so bear with me)
The beginning of a new year always leaves us wondering about what happened in the previous year and what will come in the current year. I know that no matter what situation or circumstance arises, God is in control.
I have given up watching television and movies alone this month. I was reverting to old habits of just being alone and not caring about doing anything, just letting whatever is on the screen take over. Unhealthy, yes I know. So instead I am doing crafts, surfing facebook (not that I am pleased about having so much time to do this), and lots of reading. I think I'm in the middle of five different books right now. Such a range of topics and types too: The Shack by W.M. Young, The Cure for the Common Life by Max Lucado, A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers, Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis and Do What You Are by????.
I guess I'm just trying to find different things to fill my time. Oh I have also decided to try something else in 2010. A photo diary (for lack of a better way to put it). Basically, it means that I will be taking one picture each day in 2010 and at the end of the year we will see where this year has taken me. Because I did not decide to do this until earlier this week, I am not sure that I have photos for the first few days, but that's okay. The past few days have been interesting because the photos really chronicle my life. As soon as I figure out how to do it, I will put the photos on here and will put descriptions of what was happening with each picture.
I hope that I haven't seemed too crazy or all over the place in this brief post, but trust that I have said what I needed to say. On a different note, for those of you who know what it means to shoot some arrows up, please let some loose for direction and clarity and the general struggle with knowing who we are and following that path. I read something today on a facbook profile that made me think "do what you dream. shine on."
Truth.
This year more than any other I just want to be FREE.
So that is what I pray for myself and for you. That is what I long for. That is what I am seeking God for. Only in true freedom can we experience and give true love. And that is where I want to be.
*FREE*
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